Cynically Optimistic

It's 9:45 PM, and I've already shouted, "Fuck you, super-douche!" at least a dozen times. And no he did NOT just shake his finger at America. Oh. No. He. Di 'int! I wish there was a Nielson box that could report how many times I flip off the TV. I'm loving how the justices just sit down front and don't clap for anything.

Ooooh, and that guy's on his Crack-berry during the speech! Gotcha!

Anyhoo... I'll refrain from ranting further. Can't wait for the Daily Show to get this material.

Posted by Jeff at 09:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On Sunday I got this little gem via email, from a respected friend who shall remain anonymous:

Subject: i hate the gym...

ok, well not really. but i hate the fact that i haven't stuck to my workout schedule since before thanksgiving, and now that i've been to the gym for the second consecutive day in a row...i feel like a train wreck. but i just keep convincing myself that there really isn't any gain without pain. i'm on a mission to shape up my stomach. i've always been pretty happy with my stomach/abs but i think with a little work they could look even better. you know, to the point where people want to eat sushi off me. ;)

wow.

so what's new with you?

I too, have been going to the gym regularly ever since I got this sweet deal with cheap personal training sessions / chiropractic visits. I love working the system. I suspect, however, that I will not ever reach a point where people want to eat sushi off me. At least not unless they want to floss at the same time.

Either way, it's just fine by me.

Posted by Jeff at 02:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Clearly I've been watching too much Project Runway, as Heidi Klum's voice is permeating my subconscious. Nontheless, I have good news. The interview I had last week went so well that I have been offered a position as a graduate student for this fall. Yep, I have been subjected to peer review and I have passed. Huzzah!

Anybody want to come over and help me celebrate!?!?!

Posted by Jeff at 02:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This painting, from inside one of the buildings in which I interviewed, gave me a great idea in case this whole science gig doesn't work out.

Pirate.

Clearly, that was this guy's idea as well, as he's only an earring and a parrot away from sailing the high seas and collecting booty.

Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!

Posted by Jeff at 09:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Or, should I say, potential inagural classmates. Overall, they picked people who clearly had some research experience. There were only a few kids still enrolled as undergrads even at the interview. "Oh, I'm also interviewing at Harvard and MIT," I heard from more than one kid. Ah, to be among the bright young thinkers of the day. Most were just fine.

The car service picked me up, and the driver says, "Ok Sir, Where we go? Airport?". He was serious. I'm like, "uh, you're the driver, aren't you supposed to know?". Eventually I give him the address from my paperwork and he takes off - in the wrong direction. Eventually we pick up the other interviewee, who's pretty green, living back at home with mom and dad. He tries to be Mr. Cool and says, "well, I'm going read up on my interviewers," pulls out a folder obviously removed from his Mead Trapper Keeper that's filled with ink-jet print outs from the website bios. Please note, these are at least 3 years out of date. I reply with, "oh, good idea," and pull out a boring manilla folder and study the journal articles I printed out. He gulps.

After checking into the hotel, and barely finding my room because the hallway is so damn dark, I chill, read, and then head downstairs to walk to the reception. Ahead of me on the street are 2 guys dressed up, carrying messenger bags and obviously heading to the same place I am. The one on the left has high-water slacks on, with white socks. I'm looking over my shoulder for Carson Kressley to jump out of a black SUV and pummel him. Unfortunately, he makes it to the reception unscathed.

Later, I realize I'm chatting with Mr. White Socks, and he's actually a pretty nice guy. If we become friends, I mentally note to advise him to buy longer pants and darker socks.

Fast Forward to the dinner after the play, everyone has come in out of the cold wind and is waiting in the bar before we sit down. Mr. White Socks is again wearing too-short trousers and white socks - this was his interview outfit, I learn, which he borrowed from a friend. So someone else is giving him bad fashion advice, poor guy. I get a drink, and somehow end up talking to two guys I hadn't really spoken to thus far in the process. One guy, we'll call him Mr. Naive, asks me what's in a martini. I tell him it's either gin or vodka, plus a little bit of vermouth and maybe an olive or two. "Is that good?" he asks. I prevent myself from laughing in his face and explain that some people find them delicious. His story? He lives at home with mom and dad, doesn't know what he's going to be doing for the next 6 months except chillin' and moochin' and eating milk and cookies in Maryland. Best of luck with that.

Then I turn my attention to the other guy. The only thing I know about him is that he's from Columbus, Ohio. He complains that he needs a scarf because his dress coat has a large open V-shaped area around the neck. "Nobody bought you a nice scarf to go with your fancy new coat?" I said directly to him, quickly realizing I haven't eaten in a long time and 3 sips of vodka work quickly. He presses the other people in the circle about their stories, and everyone obliges nicely, I even give him a 30 second bio on myself.

Then I stop him and say, "so what's your story, where did you go to school?"

"Oh, well I'm a senior at Ohio State University and I'm studying..."

"Woah, woah, woah woah, woah.... don't you mean, THE Ohio State University?"

"Well, actually, yes I do mean THE Ohio State University but I didn't want to seem arrogant and pretentious."

At this point I am forced to close my eyes to prevent anyone from seeing how hard I'm rolling them.

"Okay, well that's smart, so, did you have any friends in the Hitler Youth... I mean, the Marching Band?"

"Oh yes, my best friend dotted the i...."

Eventually he turns the topic to his work and spews forth an obviously prepared statement until I stop him yet again and say simply, "Hey, wait, look. We're in a bar, chill out. You don't need to bring your A game tonight." His jaw drops open. I am saved by the hostess, who seats us at that moment, bless her heart. He chose to sit at a different table than me. Go figure.

Posted by Jeff at 07:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

42 hours later, my interview is over. The experience was wonderful both in terms of science and medicine, but also socially stimulating and entertaining. I think I'll save up my caricatures for another post. This was a group interview situation, 25 students from all over the country were brought in at the same time. We were all in the same hotel, just a few blocks from the Institute. I'm impressed at how committed both the faculty and the hospital administrators and doctors are to have a new crop of graduate students. New, not because they've never seen them before, but because this program is completely new and untested. That's right, the first group will be guinea pigs. Kind of exciting! Poke me, prod me, give me a degree!!!

After breakfast and an introductory program lecture, it's interview time. Things stay exactly on schedule, and all my interviews go remarkably well. I thought perhaps I'd get nervous and choke on questions, but it was exactly the opposite. I stayed relaxed, non-sweaty, and comfortable the whole time. One interviewer told me the most interesting thing on my resume was my HMB experience. Then there were talks and a tour of the facilities, and then free drinks... Woo Hoo!

Then they took us to a play called Doubt, followed by dinner at Ruby Foo's. The last 30 minutes of the play were quite moving, but the first hour was kind of dull. Dinner was great, and there was a lot of food. Plus a HUGE slice of chocolate cake. A couple of friendly nerdy post-docs showed us a local bar and I stayed out too late with them and one other prospective student. More interviews today, one of which went much longer than expected. Then a car service drove me home.

Posted by Jeff at 08:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My weekend of sequestration with papers had been mostly fruitful. I feel fairly up to speed on most of the people with whom I will be interviewing. I printed nearly an entire ream of paper to peruse, and have worked through a nice chunk so far. It's pretty hard reading though lots of unfamiliar proteins and acronyms, but that's life.

I'm still on the fence re: tie / no tie. Maybe I can find a way to accessorize with an unused snow-shovel handle like this gargoyle I spotted in D.C.

Posted by Jeff at 11:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The plan for this weekend, beyond having a tasty malty hoppy beverage this evening with dinner, is to do some major background research on the papers of my interviewers. Yes, next week I have my first interview for graduate school. It's a 2+ day process, involving a 2-night stay in a Manhattan hotel, hopefully with a view of the 59th Street Bridge. I'm a bit nervous - mostly about what I'm going to wear. But seriously, I haven't heard back from any other schools yet so I had better really wow the judges this time.

Actually, I did hear from UCSF already. They were nice enough to spare me the trip to California and reject me outright. How thoughtful of them!

Posted by Jeff at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It always sneaks up on me, and I'm pleasantly surprised when the new year brings the start of Grand Slam Tennis with the Australian Open. Just as I was starting to get myself back on a schedule with the rest of the world, I get late nights and early mornings of tennis from the other side of the world. Tidbits so far: Venus is out already, *yawn*. Martina Hingis (remember her?) is back after a long absence from tennis with injuries. She's kind of a beyotch, but she's won this tournament 3 times in the past.

Posted by Jeff at 11:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Zoom! Time for another trip to D.C. to see Tom and attend various festive events. I picked up George in Brooklyn and made it to D.C. in time for Happy Hour at Titan was followed by dinner at Bussboys and Poets. After Tom, Ed, and I charmed the pants off a 53 year old woman from Maryland, we were seated in the performance area. Dinner was served!

And now we must talk about grits. I loves me some grits. Don't sully them with cheese, and don't let them be too runny. I was served Basil Terragon Grits for dinner (the crabcakes were much less memorable) that were mind blowingly delicious. DE-LISH-US! I shared them with the table and these grits elicited moans of delight. So much so that we are shusshed with, "GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!" Oh, I'm sorry, was there a show going on? I was having a grits-gasm.

We split at intermission because we were unamused with the reading of the play (or whatever it was) and decided to stroll through the lobby of the hotel hosting MAL. Now, there are a lot of things to look at on the internet, and most of them you never really expect to see in real life (at least I never did). Walking into the lobby of the Washington Plaza hotel felt like I was inside a virtual reality chatroom with every crazy face, complicated hairdo, angry tattoo, and leather clothing/accessory I'd ever seen on the internet. We didn't stay very long, as you were required to buy drink tickets to then buy drinks. I bet plenty more freaky people were drinking up in their hotel rooms.

Saturday we cooked breakfast, watched Futurama, and went back to the hotel to check out the Vendor Mart. Yes, you too can play dress up for the not so low, low, price of leather pants and a vest. We briefly ran into the delightful Mr. Bartender and his posse. I've never seen so much leather or, um... interesting jewelery(?!) on display for sale. Talk about visual overstimulation - and the place was packed. We did a little bit of shopping, trying on a simple vest or wrist-band here or there, but nothing was purchased. Suddenly, it's cold and very windy outside!

With Blowoff that evening, we decided to ramp up our evening slowly. We started with a few petit yet delicious Belgian brews at L'Enfant, followed by dinner at the Duplex Diner (they use iTunes for their bar/restaurant music jukebox). Dessert, coffee, and tea were obtained at Tryst in Adams Morgan, followed by a long walk to the Brickskeller for another beer. Home. Costume Change. RedBull and Vodka. The Land Rover arrives. Off we go!

A short wait in like at the 9:30 Club to get tickets, followed by a longer line at coat check and the party was on. Not only did they spin, but Bob and Rich played a live set. It was a real treat!!! There was a good crowd, including lots of familiar faces. Sean and Chemistry Lad greet me with, "Them Chicken's is Ash, and I'm lotion." Word! The Dinger Dumbek Dynamic Duo were in full effect. Ed materializes again, ready to party. The wolves decended on Chrisafer upon arrival and tore off his shirt. Even Jimbo, sans cellphone (how does he live like that?), met up with his various peeps - all of them famous from his blog. Scott and Colin graced us with their presence also. We danced. We bobbed our heads. We all had a rockin' good time. We remembered to get our coats before a huge line formed.

Stumble home, by way of Yums restaurant. It seems like a good idea right up until the moment you realize you've just inhaled a LOT of Pork Fried Rice, General Tso's Chicken, and Fried Dumplings and the MSG reacts with whatever was in that RedBull (or Tequilla) and the tummy starts acting up. It's a miracle I didn't actually get sick but I paid my price with a hangover Sunday.

By the evening, food was once again appetizing, so we rode out to Virginia for the legendary Sunday Night Dinner™ I had been missing for months. It was also Jeff's birthday, and a whole room full of Basses and Baritones singing Happy Birthday was quite rousing. Later, we sang Suddenly Seymour - yes life is random. My blood cheese levels were equilibrated after a bit of chili and cornbread, then we watched Desperate Housewives. Good show, but way funnier with a group, and a pro running the TiVo remote. We skipped Sunday night's big dance party and ended the night early.

Monday we had late lunch with George and Edgar at Lauriol Plaza, and then hit the road back to NY. I managed to route myself around a burning tanker truck on the BQE which was totally screwing up traffic in Queens for basically the whole day. It was bad enough trying to get out of DC. It snowed while I was "down south", and the light dusting of powder was a nice change of scenery. Now I have to shovel the driveway.

Pictures are Now Available

Posted by Jeff at 04:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The phrase, "be careful what you wish for" came to mind today, when one of the post-docs in the lab said, "I wish I had my own office where I could work on this grant quietly without distraction." Well, wouldn't you know it, a few hours later a replacement freezer gets delivered. We toyed with the idea of creating a big wall with all the cardboard. I even suggested we break out the Run DMC and have a break dancing contest (except that's how I broke my arm when I was 4, but that's another story). Then I remembered Bob's request and so I granted his wish. *POOF!* Instant office. I offered to cut out a little hatch for him to question intruders, like the castle door in the Wizard of Oz, but he wasn't into that.

Not to quote X-tina, but, "I'm a genie in a bottle baby, gotta rub me the right way honey."

Posted by Jeff at 03:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

But I know what I like. Sometimes I even know why I like it. Mostly it's free downloads from Salon's Audiofile or other random mp3 blogs. Often it's stuff I listen to once and then forget about because it was mediocre, but once in a while something sticks and I get into it. I know it's worth investigating further when I've listened to the same song over and over. This is the way I found Sufjan Stevens' Album, Illinois.

The project is a bit high-concept: one album about each of the 50 states. He started with Michigan, and in 2005 released Illinois. One of the tracks from Michigan was featured on the OC, if you like to watch such programs. It's totally indie, a bit folky, very lyrical, and the melodies are subtle but memorable and he uses all sorts of odd meters. Listen here (or here, track 20), I'm guessing 5/8 and 6/8 meter switching back and forth? Or am I fooled? Someone with talent help me out here. Either way, I love it. It makes me want to clap my hands along with the music. He uses rhyming lyrics that are clever and interesting (not that rhyming New York with Dork isn't clever, but... well, it just isn't, ok Madonna). Clever and interesting (and funny) lyrics will get me every time. It's one of the reasons I dig hip-hop music, but that's another post, for another time.

Oh God of Progress
Have you degraded or forgot us?
Where have your laws gone?
I think about it now

Ancient hieroglyphic or the South Pacific
Typically terrific, busy and prolific

Classical devotion, architect promotion
Lacking in emotion. Think about it now.

Chicago, the New Age, but what would Frank Lloyd Wright say?
Oh Columbia!
Amusement or treasure, these optimistic pleasures
Like the Ferris Wheel!

Cannot conversations cull united nations?
If you got the patience, celebrate the ancients.

Posted by Jeff at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My lab is affiliated with, and physically connected to, a major hospital filled with qualified, certified, licensed medical doctors. Even inside my lab, there are 4 qualified physicians who unfortunately have passed the medical boards in other countries, just not the USA. 4 out of 5 doctors have agreed that I am suffering from an acute sinus infection and need some antibiotics, as evidenced by the huge quantities of green sticky mucus I've been producing. The dissenting doctor said just stick to Sudafed and come back in another week. The one Doc I know who would write me the script is too scared to do so by himself, and walked me down to see if he could convince someone in Urgent Care to help me out. Well, next thing I know, the damn triage nurse has fucking admitted me to the ER! Um, no. So I got the hell up out of there and now I'm waiting on my one last hope for drugs to get back to town from the Bronx.

Somebody send me some Z-pac, STAT!

Posted by Jeff at 03:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

New Year's Eve has come and gone, ushering in 2006. But first, let's talk about how 2005 finished up, with Tom's visit to NYC. The last evening was spent in the trendy, yet chic Hudson Hotel. The smallness of the room required that the shower be placed near the foot of the bed, behind a clear glass wall, allowing anyone lying in bed to watch live shower porn. I was introduced to the meat packing district by eating at a restaurant cool French diner called Florent. Then we met up with Ed and hit bars on both the east and west side, finishing up my favorite way: Street Meat at 3 AM!!! If it's spicy, grilled, curried, or wrapped in a pita - I want it!!!

Day number 365 was spent wandering about the city while huge snowflake clusters fell around us. I did a bit more shopping (not buying) than usual. Somehow I was convinced to try on rubber pants, but resisted buying them. I couldn't resist buying some Vosge's Haut Chocolat. We attempted to have dinner at Katz's Deli, but they were closing early so we ended up at a place called Lucky Cheng's drag queen chinese food. The show was gut-bustingly funny, but the service was terrible. We counted down the New Year at Nowhere Bar, followed by Phoenix.

We had to fight for a taxi to take us back to George's apartment. Upon our arrival we quickly realized that the key we we given was the wrong one. It was karma paying me back for when I almost got my former roomate shot by the police (another story for another time). The doorman was unable to locate a spare key at the front, so I figured we'd either be sleeping in the stairwell or staying up all night in a diner. Lucky for us, some girl from apartment 3S invited us back to her apartment to, "party, drink some champagne, smoke some pot, and sleep on the floor." We didn't have to take her up on that offer, as my phone rang and George let us in. PHEW!

New Year's Day we got some fresh bagels and cream cheese for breakfast, then walked through Central Park en route to the train station. We said our goodbye's and back on various trains, we all went home. It was a wonderful New Years, thanks to George; and extra-memorable thanks to Tom.

Here's to an extra-random 2006!

Posted by Jeff at 08:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I finally convinced my mom to come visit, in the dead of winter. Turns out, this time of year is about as tourist-free as you can get in NYC. Times Square wasn't very busy at all, we didn't have to wait at all to get up to the Top of the Rock, and in general the town seems about as quiet as I've seen. Oh, and for those of you who have been up to the top of the Empire State Building, Top of the Rock I think was better. I want to do it again in summer when the Central Park is green. Unobstructed views of the city from all angles, except the Chrystler building is partially blocked by the Met Life building. But it's the absolute best view of the Empire State Building from anywhere. I'd love to have seen it at sunset. Or at night. We've walked around a lot, seen most of Mid-Town, plus Ground Zero and Chinatown. Fear not ladies, for many purses were acquired on Canal Street. Then, after dinner we literally had to run to catch the LIRR back home.

Posted by Jeff at 11:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm got a touch of a cold, and I can't really speak so well. Since I tend to write pretty much how I talk, I'm not writing much, and just alerting you that photos are posted from New Year's Eve Weekend. Mom's visiting so I'm not spending too much time typing things out, but you can be sure I'll get to it eventually.

Oh, and FYI, everything went just fine with mom. :D

Posted by Jeff at 11:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

New Year's Eve Eve. New Year's Eve. New Year's Day. Crazy Awesome Random Fun. We hopped from bar to bar to bar to bar back and forth across town, and you know I don't allow no cross-town traffic in my living room. We had a shower that was fit for a porn star. We had a deli-dinner turn into Drag Queen Chinese food. We almost had to spend the first night of the new year sleeping in a stairway. In the end, everything worked out great, in the most random way possible.

I have a bazillion photos that need to be edited and posted. I need to email folks photos that I promised them from Christmas. These things will be done, so hang on and be patient. More to come. Promise.

Posted by Jeff at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)