Cynically Optimistic

I hear Janet Jackson but I see Dan Marino. Give me some of Janet Jackson and her airbrushed abs. Ok... here we go. Produced by MTV. Choose to Vote. Gotcha.

Jessica Simpson, girl, those boots are fierce! "I love the way you move" by the marching band. Awesome!!! Rock that Clarinet. And it's got coreography!!! Nice!!! I hope to see more of this.

Janet - wasn't this song popular over two years ago? I see no visible abs either. *snap* Except on her dancers. Nice leather bustier ($1500, I didn't care. It lifts and separates) I hope she gets to shake her tail feathers with that outfit on.

P.Diddy - He's on a conveyor belt. Hey Diddy? Oh God. And Nelly has arrived. It's still hot in herre, after all these years? Your dancers suck too by the way. Where's count 5? Ok, bye. And they take their clothes off.

Now, another old song, from when he was called Puff Daddy. Lip Syncing rap is so shameful.

Kid Rock - draped in an American flag. Ba-witta-ba. I do like his hat though. I wish people wore hats more often, and I don't mean baseball caps. Look at his chick drummer wail. Cowboy... this song was popular when I lived with Doogie and Wendy. Is this halftime show on a budget or is it just a re-run from 4 years ago?

Band kids scrambling around, people hanging from towers. Janet's name in lights. Am I going to get abs? No. But Rhythym Nation! KILLER!!! Go on quad-tom drummers! Janet has awesome boots, too. And I dig the leather backed chainmail skirt. Yeah drumline rocking out! And Now Janet's mic fails... right when I thought it was a lipsync.

Justing Timberlake. We get it, you can beatbox. Ok, a song from only one year ago. I hope he licks Janet Jackson, that'd be hot. Actually, I hope Janet makes him lick her boot. They dance and frolick. Janet pretends to sing the pre-recorded chorus.

HER TITTY POPPED OUT! HOLY SHIT!!!!

Show over.

Was that planned? It looked like she had a pasty on, but it might have been a nipple ring. It had to be planned. This show is totally tape delayed. But it was still cool, very Lil' Kim-esque.

Update: Well I'm sure you've already heard all the backpedaling and ass-covering that the executives involved are doing. Anyway, you can get a great photo of the "wardrobe malfunction" as J.T. calls it, on The Drudge Report.